What is Social Exchange Theory?
This theory examines the costs, benefits, and expectation of receiving what you give to others. The theory argues that we see relationships differently depending on what we stand to gain or lose compared to how much we're putting in. The theory also argues that we examine our existing relationships, and how much we are benefiting from them, and compare them to other relationships that we could have instead. Social exchange theory assumes that the basis for all all social exchange is a cost/benefit analysis by the individual.
How does this relate to marriage?
Taking into consideration what we went over above, we can conclude that people will seek relationships that will bring them the highest possible benefit with the lowest possible cost. That is, when individuals look for a marriage partner, they look for someone who meets much of their needs all while having as little perceived negative qualities as possible.
People search for the best possible mate, based on their own "resources." In other words, how attractive we are, intelligent, young, famous, rich, etc, influences our perception on what we "deserve" in a mate. A rich and famous person, for example, will seek a more rewarding individual than a person in the opposite camp. This explains why a person as unattractive as Donald Trump, manages to marry someone highly attractive. The highly attractive woman sees the benefits of being married to Donald Trump as greater than the costs (because of financial stability, fame, luxury, etc.)Males tend to value different qualities in a partner than females do. A shallow male may place a lot of value in an attractive female who he can show off to his friends. Through acquiring an attractive female as a marriage partner, the male may also acquire status and respect from other males. Furthermore, the male might reconsider his relationship with the attractive female as soon as the costs of being with her outweigh the gains.
Of course, not all of your social behavior will be influenced by a cost and benefit analysis. Family, upbringing and other social influences play a part as well. For example, your family might have instilled in you certain values which you will later go on and seek in a partner. The culture you live in might also pressure you into finding certain qualities about an individual attractive, and therefore cause you to seek out partners that match this "ideal" partner so that you can receive approval from others. As shallow as that sounds, it plays a role when individuals are matching up with each other.
Social Exchange theory also makes the assumption that we always seek to make rational decisions. As we have all seen and experienced, this is not always the case. People take action based off of all sorts irrational reasons. Things like not going out with friends because of fear of social situations, getting in a fight because of blinding anger, or remaining in a relationship because of low self esteem, are not influenced by a cost/benefit analysis but rather by emotion or flawed thinking. Look at a stock market chart, for example, and notice that human action is not always orderly and rational, but often very volatile and irrational.
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